I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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