Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
