About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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