Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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