oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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