so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
