So drunk its hurt
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
