It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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