so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
