Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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