i don't like sucking hair
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
