reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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