New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Randomize
