Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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