you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
