Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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