Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pants are for mortals
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
