Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
