so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
