i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
