the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
