my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
