Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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