i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
