watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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