She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Please don't give away my fajitas
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