I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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