How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
