toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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