it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
