im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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