Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
