ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
