i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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