Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
