My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
