The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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