physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
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i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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