Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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