After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
