grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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