i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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