I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
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couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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