i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
