I'm eating all of the evidence.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
