This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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