I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
