I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
