I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize