So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
