I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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