I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He better not be in your backpack
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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