Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
