Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
