i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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