I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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