That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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