I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize