I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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