If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
