how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
