The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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