listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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