Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh god it's open bar.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
