I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
