The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
