Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
