yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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