Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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