p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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