oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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