The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well I just put wine in my tea
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
