the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
