roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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