so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
