Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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