I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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