Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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