i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
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Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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