tonight lets celebrate not being married
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
